Being Proactive!

okay, so i'll have to admit that i've been feeling somewhat sorry for myself these past few weeks. but it was only a matter of time before i started feeling this way. being irritated for being laid off the week before Christmas was normal, then i transitioned into the carefree mood & actually enjoyed not working daily. then, the more i searched for work, the more i became frustrated with the 'slackers' who have work & do a half-ass job, i.e. technical support, customer service, maintenance 'technicians' (as they like to be called these days). then, after weeks of looking for employment to no avail as of yet, i became discouraged to the point where i moved to just feeling sorry for myself. this is no place to be & it is certainly no place to stay!
while i haven't let go of being frustrated with the half-assers, i have moved on from feeling sorry for myself...simply because it is a miserable feeling & one that i'd rather not have. what's so bad about feeling sorry for yourself is that it is too much like quicksand (one of my dreaded fears). before you know it, you get stuck & look down to see that it has sucked you in and you keep sinking deeper & deeper. the more you struggle, the deeper it takes you. grabbing you more & more every second of the day. when i woke up, which was hard enough on it's own, it started pulling me down & didn't stop until i finally went to sleep at night-with some help from my buddies at pfizer & their wonderful prescriptions! it pulls you down so quickly that you don't realize you've wasted an entire day feeling sorry for yourself because you've spent all day on the couch watching the worthless shows on tv. you know the ones that come on during the middle of the day that are tailored to the elderly who don't leave the house because they physically can't!
i began noticing that when i felt sorry for myself, i was actually avoiding others-people i really like & who bring me joy! people who love me with or without a job and i was depriving myself of them...why?! the only answer i have is because i didn't feel good about myself, & i didn't want anyone else to feel the same about me. i was so down in the dumps that no matter what i did those negative feelings came through. i didn't want to pull others down with me (it's not their fault i don't have a job) & no one wants to hang out with a debby downer, moreless BE one! really, who wants to hire a negative nancy? and not only that, but i'm NOT naturally negative. i'm really not & i don't even like being around negatives-they bring me down, & i couldn't let myself become someone i didn't even like-then i would end up in a worse situation than i was in! i finally decided that it was time for me to move on & do something with myself, job or no job, i had to start feeling better about myself or i wasn't going to get any better. i was ready for my outlook to return to its naturally rosy self & i wanted the humor back in my life. although my babe is always making me laugh, he wasn't that funny to me anymore-& he's always funny!
so, i started brainstorming on what i could do that i enjoy that i'm good at, and i couldn't produce any results. i even considered starting my own business-to insure job stability along with other benefits-but couldn't decide what it was i wanted to do & own/manage for the rest of my life. and one night, valentine's to be exact, i couldn't go to sleep. i tossed & turned the entire night until i finally decided to pray myself to sleep. (this is a great technique by the way for those of you who find it hard to fall asleep-it's very comforting & you'll be surprised at who and what you can find to pray for!) and it hit me like a bolt of lightning...during my prayer i was interrupted (how rude, i know) but it was God who interrupted me-i've never had this happen to me before, but God actually spoke to me, minus the audible words & whatnot. it was as if He put his hand on my shoulder & simply said, 'stop worrying. don't you know i've got you covered'. He told me what i needed to do & it sounded wonderful & great, but of course, like all humans, i was reluctant & hesitated to act. that sunday at church, the sermon was on having faith that God was going to take care of you because He always had & promised to always will. He has a plan for you & your life & it is your job in your faith to follow His will.
it's funny how well God knows me. he knows me better than anyone else, including me! for the life of me i couldn't come to a decision on what kind of work i'd love to do for the rest of my life or what kind of business i'd like to own, yet he did! and he is always right! it was right in front of my face but i couldn't see it until he pointed it out to me, and i'm so glad i finally listened!
i have officially started and opened Claussen by Appointment, which epitomizes what has always been my passion! the business of the business is to work closely with others (men & women alike) to determine their style & spend some time in their own closet demonstrating to them how they can take full advantage of their existing wardrobe. to me, it's ingenious! i've always been frugal-i get some sort of high from it- & especially in the current economy, what better way to really help someone than by showing them they have a fresh look awaiting them in their own closet & there is no need to go shopping on more clothes when you can make use of the ones you've already spent money on! i've always loved fashion & style & helping others--so it's really a great way to combine my talents to make some income! within my first week of operating, i've already got my first customer, and am faithfully praying & awaiting many more to come! i've even got my own website, you should check it out! http://www.claussenbyappt.com/
it's amazing how quickly you can become submerged in your own self pity. and how easily discouragement can suck you in like a black hole & keep you down. but i had to decide to do something proactive with myself or i was going to be stuck in the world of misery for who knows how long! i am happier now than i've been in a long time, maybe even before i was laid off, mainly because i'm being proactive with my spare time rather than wasting it, but i'm excited i get to actually do something i love & am passionate about while helping others, some of who might be facing the same uphill battle as i once was.

Can't Buy Me Love

what's the deal with valentine's day? did you know that valentine's day is the #1 day of the year for engagements? did you know that more couples try to plan their wedding on valentine's? it's true-used to be a wedding planner-but due to lack of venues it's not possible for everyone who wants to do this. did you know that more money is spent on flowers for valentine's than any other day of the year (sortof makes sense i guess)? did you know that more cards are sent through the mail for valentine's than any other day of the year? any other day of the year!! including christmas! not only do i find this to be ridiculous, but i think it's sad.
disclaimer: for those of you who hold this holiday dear, please do not take offense at this post--i'm simply just saying...my opinion on this post holds no weight on my opinion of those who are examples of the following.
i've always felt that something as special as a wedding proposal should make a day special rather than occur on a 'special' day of the year. a proposal is usually a milestone for most couples, so why wouldn't they want to mark it with their 'own' special day? i have 2 explainations for this phenomenon...first, some men can't handle another date to remember! they already have birthdays & holidays...adding an anniversary to those for some would just be too much, so they do what works best for them & use valentine's as the marker so as to not forget! in my days of wedding planning, it was mostly the men who were gung-ho for getting married on valentine's or the weekend of christmas, thanksgiving, etc. and i quickly learned why this was the case.
the only other explanation i have for this is that valentine's is truly special & dear for some people for whatever reason. please know that i think that is great & perfect for you if you love valentine's day & want to do something as special as use it for your anniversary, but that's just not me, and this is my blog, so i'll tell you why.
everything is so commercialized in our world, and i mean everything! you can verify that just by watching tv, walking in any mall or store-even the hospital gift shops are great examples of this. anyone who has the money, can buy anything! all the gift ideas, cards, candy, flowers, lingerie, etc. are (for the most part) schemes on behalf of the marketers, retailers, etc. to make money-and they are very successful at it! i can't count how many emails i've gotten from ftd and 1.800.flowers in the past 3 weeks because of valentine's! seriously, a great deal is spending only $75 on flowers to send to someone instead of $90?! you've got to be kidding me! i could name at least 100 other things i would rather spend that money on than flowers-they are already dead folks, and they only get worse the longer you have them in the vase on the table. you are literally going to through them in the trash within the week, and they cost someone that much money!
so why not protect the only thing that can't be sold? no matter how much money you have, you cannot buy true love! i guess one could say my babe and i celebrate valentine's every day of the year because we make a point of showing love to each other every day, whether it be a mere hug or nice gesture, not saving it for valentine's
day. and it's a suggestion i would make to everyone-don't wait for a special day to show someone you love them--make a point to do it daily-not only can you can save alot of money, but you will realize you can easily create your own special days throughout the year & they will even be easy to remember because they are marked by extraordinary moments & love-something you can't buy!

Don't Let Fun Get Left Behind

i sometimes long for the good ol' days of college when the hardest decision you had to make was which party you went to and usually you'd try to hit all of them anyway! now that i'm 'grown up' and have more responsibilities, i find myself daydreaming of that time when i was always surrounded by my best friends (including my husband)and was completely supported financially by my parents. it seemed like such a carefree time of my life when the worst that happened in my 4 years was calling in sick to work and running into my boss about an hour later-while i was riding bikes with my roommate! real sick, huh? but nothing ever happened. i didn't get fired, or laid off, she didn't even mention it to me the next day! and i know she saw me 'cause she waved at me from across the street and said 'hey claussen!' like she was glad to see i was feeling better! i was invinsible, or so it seemed...

with the responsibilities that come with being 'grown up' it's easy to wish those days back and sometimes i really do crave to be back at college with my friends without a care in the world. and i think that's normal. especially when you have one of those really bad days when you think it would've been better to stay in bed! but i also think that reminiscing of carefree fun times can be helpful in a way. those thoughts can help motivate you into doing something rather than just remembering what you did.

my husband was THIS close to attending another college and at the last minute decided on PC, where we met! i owe alot to PC-not only for my husband, but for the lifelong friendships i made while i was there, and luckily, he was and always is my friend first, which is important to our relationship. i think about how much my life has changed since college and i wouldn't trade it for anything-not even those days full of frisbee in the park or mixers! thankfully, my babe (how he is known in our house & will be in my posts) is mentally still in college (without having to daydream)and he keeps me feeling young! we still enjoy alot of things we used to live for in college...we still go to music shows every chance we get, we still go hiking, we still have a date night once a week (a tradition we started while in college), and we laugh together more now than we ever did!

don't let me confuse you, we aren't old by any means of the word, but with life comes accountability & while we have a great marriage, sometimes those responsibilities can take their toll on you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. as for me and babe we'd rather make a living by being young, but even we know that's not possible. but that doesn't stop us from staying young-in the fullest extent allowable! when we reflect on our time spent in college & how we didn't have to worry about getting off work to go to shows or making it to work the day after, it invigorates us to plan a day trip or weekend getaway to relive our younger years & things we enjoy! although we can't always be spontaneous like we were & have to plan for these blissful events, we still do it-if only to remind us that we still have it in us to be fun & lighthearted! we know that we can't be youthful at all times-it's just not responsible-but it doesn't stop us from taking advantage of the opportunity when it arises!

my college years are dear to me because of the lifelong friendships i made and the experiences we all shared. and i am fortunate enough that babe always was & is my best friend! and although my friends are scattered in various states instead of living under my same roof, we still keep in touch and when we get together it's as if we never left one another. these special times when we are together is another way to stay young--even though some of us have children by now! college helped make us all who we are today. we all shared the experience of growing up together, even when that meant learning how to get in trouble at times! i will always miss being with my friends but it's comforting to know that i live with my best friend. while i sometimes get 'homesick' for the young years of college, it pleases me to know that i haven't completely left them behind.

Live Like Your Hair is on Fire

This is one of my sister's favorite sayings...she has MANY! As a wife, business owner, and mother of 3 very energetic, active children (11, 8, & 5), I don't know how she gets out of bed in the mornings! But she always does, and remarkably, she always has a great attitude throughout the day--no matter who punched who, or who got in trouble at school or who has or is crying! Not only does she just get out of bed, but she always, never failing, has devotions with the children before going to school and prays with them at the breakfast table! Most days when I visit (and that is most days!), she has a house full of children who are not her own, and she's going about her business in the most graceful, orderly manner possible! I would be a nervous wreck trying to run a business from my home with AT LEAST 6 children running around, but that's usually how her daily routine works...and it does WORK!

And her husband, bless him, he leaves for work at 7am and if he's lucky gets home between 8-9pm (college baseball coach); if the house is full of kids or adults or both, he just struts in and is always as complacent as can be regardless of what he walks into! This amazes me to the point where I actually TRY to be there when he comes home just so that I can witness his nonchalantness toward the whole situation! I've come to realize that the more chaos there is at her house, the more normal it seems to be for everyone--myself included! Numerous kids in the house, boys & girls playing together & sometimes fighting with each other has become such a regular occurrence when I visit that if the house isn't full of active little ones I find myself asking where everyone is!

With her basement full of wii games, a pool table, ping pong table, basketball hoops, hockey table, and a huge backyard with a trampoline, play set, and their very own pitcher's mound, it's no wonder her house is the 'cool' house of all the friends, myself and my husband included! There is one kid in their neighborhood who is always waiting on their front steps for them when they get home from school--no joke! They want to come play, but especially spend the night! Isn't that the best? When you get to spend the night at the cool house on the weekends? I've always thought it better to have the 'cool' house, but my nieces & nephews try to prove me wrong--you see, to them, it's just 'home'--and it's no fun unless their friends are there to enjoy all the toys and games with them!

It's a wonder anything productive gets accomplished in the house at all, but everyday--it does! And everything gets done with the children helping out in the right way and with good attitudes! I sometimes like to just sit back and watch everything from a silent distance to see how it all plays out--just waiting for my sister to go postal over something, but whenever it starts creeping up on her, she always says, 'No-I'm not taking a left today. I'm taking a right to Positiville and that's where I'm staying.' She has all these great sayings and quotes that help get her through her day; for instance, when one of her kids does something terribly wrong, like spilling fake blood from their halloween mask all over her beautiful area rug--and you can tell from her eyes that she's about to lose it--she simply gets up, grabs the cleaners, shows the kid how to use it, and makes them clean it up--and like the poltergeist, she turns and simply says, 'Good Times'! in her most sarcastic voice! I can tell she wants to explode and I think why don't you?! I've seen you do it before!! But I know now why she doesn't explode everytime--it's because it's simply not worth it.

Don't get me wrong, we are not a family of ones who don't believe in discipline or spankings, we got them and we give them when needed! But she's explained to me that she doesn't want her children to grow up and remember her as the loose cannon they always had to walk on egg shells around. When it comes down to it, the rug, as beautiful as it may be, is still just a rug! It can be replaced, and will probably have to be eventually anyway, but her children, well there's no replacing them!

I spend alot of time with her family, and I've asked her several times throughout the course of a day with them, 'Why & how did you wake up this morning?!' And she'll always give me one of her quirky pick-me-up sayings. There are days when I'm down or discouraged or just in a bad mood and she'll have some cheerful advice for ME, the one without kids or a business to manage! She should be the one getting some positive guidance, but she never seems to need it! She amazes me how she is the eternal optimist with all she's got going on! One of her most recent favorite saying is 'Aspire to Inspire Before You Expire'! And she definitely does!

No doubt there is a special place in Heaven for mothers, but I hope there is a reserved section for the spunky, vivacious ones who don't let anything weigh them down (even wings!) to where they can't always be an inspiration for others. She aims to live each day like her hair is on fire, and I must say she manages it very well!

The Silent Killer

While there are alot of 'silent killers' out there, such as radon & radiation, I'm not talking about killing in the physical sense of the word, but in the emotional, pyschological sense.

WARNING:This post is not for the weak or faint hearted-read at your own risk!

Everyone is familiar with the silent treatment...either by receiving it from someone or maybe you've even used it as 'punishment' toward someone else...when you were like 5 years old. But as we've gotten older, MOST people stop using that form of revenge because they have realized that the silent treatment doesn't punish anyone but the one who uses it.

Allow me to elaborate....when we were young, the worst case scenario that two friends could imagine, especially girls, was that you didn't speak to each other-for whatever reason. It could've been that one friend got in trouble and was on phone restriction, or that your parents didn't want you to hang out with a certain person, so they wouldn't allow you to talk to them? Or if you've ever used the silent treatment on someone, chances are that you were mad or upset with them for some reason and wanted to 'pay them back' by not talking to them...Maybe you've been upset with your parents and refused to speak to them at some point in your life? This would be giving them the silent treatment.

Regardless of the reason, the silent treatment has one purpose, and one purpose only--to create distance in a relationship. While most of us have grown into mature adults who recognize the uselessness in such a childish form of revenge, there are some who continue to utilize this form of punishment in hopes that it will allow them to get their way or change something, i.e. decision, situation, etc. of someone else. What they do not realize is that the silent treatment is very effective, but not in the way of punishing someone else or making someone feel guilty.

After much debate & years of studying this mystery known as the silent treatment, I have come to conclude that there are only two consequences of this juvenile retribution, and both are more harmful to the giver than to the receiver. One inevitable consequence is completely unbeknown to the giver because they themselves are ignorant of the damage it is causing, and that is their own restlessness and inability to get over situations.

Think about it with me for a second, if you're not talking to someone, how do they know that they should feel regret or sorrow? The average person is not a mind reader, and without being told, most people don't even realize they have done something to offend someone or hurt someone's feelings, that is, if it wasn't an obvious act intended to insult the person. So, the giver of the silent treatment is the lone receiver of any feelings of anger, letting it eat them up inside, and this feeling will not be conquered until they are willing to let go of their childish games and face the facts, or the truth, or the person. However, most people who use the silent treatment can't face any of the aforementioned alternatives because they are too afraid of simply confronting the problem, just like we were when were young and childish. Am I right or am I right?

Unfortunately, the second result of the silent treatment is the most damaging to the giver-yet they are completely oblivious to it because like I mentioned before, they cannot face the reality of the situation and refuse to accept responsibility for their actions, or lack of-and that would be the killing of communication. At first, lost of communication doesn't seem so bad, but think about it this way-if you were lost at an airport, and all the cell phone towers were down, and the intercom system had failed, wouldn't that be a reason for panic? And it's not just the communication that suffers, but if left untreated, the relationship begins to suffer as well. As the years pass, and the silent treatment is still used as a tactic to manipulate someone, eventually, the relationship will die-and that's a fact. Think about Tom Hanks & Helen Hunt in Castaway-they could not communicate with one another, and by the time Hanks was rescued, Helen was married with a family...because she had assumed that he had died, right? Makes perfect sense and no one was upset with her for moving on with her life!

So what's the remedy to this silent killer of relationships? It's as easy as breathing...you grow up, pick up a phone and at least act like you care about someone else other than yourself. I've noticed that the ones who use the silent treatment or more immature than my 4 year old nephew, and if anyone knows children, you know the hardest thing for them to say is that they are sorry. Why is it so hard for someone to admit their failure? We are all failures in some sense of the word and we have all fallen short of the ideal; therefore, 'Sorry' should be a word that is as familiar to us as 'the'.

And there has become such a bad connotation associated with the word 'confrontation' that some adults are actually scared of it! To me, that is ridiculous! The only reasonable way to solve any problem is to confront it-not acting like it doesn't exist and upon running into it (or the person) again, acting like nothing ever happened! There is absolutely nothing wrong with confrontation, in fact, everything about it leads to solutions! It is a practice that should be used more often, and one that givers of the silent treatment are usually petrified of because it entails looking someone in the eye and having an adult discussion, which is way beyond their capabilities-this, my friends, is very, very sad. For the most part, I think adults would be willing to put aside their fears before allowing a relationship with someone they care about to be ruined, but I have been wrong before-just once or twice maybe:)!

To sum things up, the only way to describe givers of the silent treatment is immature ignorant people who are too self absorbed to realize that the only thing they are actually giving is a wide open invitation to the silent killer.

Children-The Best Medicine

Do you ever find yourself swamped in the mundane hustle and bustle of everyday life? And once your day is over, you have nothing to show for it?

I've always been a type A personality & when I have something 'important' to do, it becomes my priority until the task is complete; however, with 10 nieces & nephews, I've learned that when children are around, you can't always do what you have on your list for the day. While this used to bother me to no end, I've actually come to enjoy the interruption of my nieces & nephews...including their fighting with each other, terrorizing my dog, spilling drinks on my carpet, or just ransacking my fridge! I miss them when they are not around, even if I have a long list of tasks that need to be done!

I have recently thought about my life & my priorities & when it comes down to it, I don't want my priorities in life to consist of a checked off list of day-to-day tasks. My true priority is family and what they add to my life. I don't want to miss one of my nieces or nephews' games because I need to clean my house--I'm not only missing a game, I'm missing out on their life, which I want to be a part of!

While I can't be with all of my nieces & nephews, it is them that I miss most of all! I miss watching them grow up, but my worst nightmare would be that they would forget me or not know who I am-that would be the WORST! Not so much for them, but for me!

You know the old saying, 'Laughter is the best medicine'? Well, I believe it whole heartedly. But I would have to say that children are the source of most of my laughter! It is amazing how quickly children make you forget everything that's going on in the world. Most of the time, they make me forget what I 'need' to be doing-some business or work of some sort!
They make me laugh, smile, and feel like a kid again-if only for a short time.

Children are funny little creatures that are honest & innocent, and you can't blame them for either of those precious traits-they come with the territory! In the blink of an eye, they can make you laugh & cry at the same time without knowing it! I've always thought that kids were funny, but it wasn't until one of my nephews said that I was funny that I realized how young they make me feel and act when I'm with them! This is a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything in the world-even a book full of checked off lists!

Whitney Houston had it right in the 80's (not so much today) when she sang that the children are our future, but they are also our present, and we should take the time to enjoy them for who they are & what they add to our adulthood...funny little souls who bring joy=the best medicine, to the tightest of type A personalities!

Tough Times Don't Last-Tough People Do!

The news is depressing! With everyone in a state of panic these days about the economy, it's hard to watch the news without getting disappointed. Each broadcast only has the latest in the rising numbers of unemployment rates, and I'm tired of hearing it.

People everywhere are losing their jobs for some reason or another, and this is the last thing they need to hear while at home searching for work. As a worker who has recently been laid off due to company cost cuts, it's discouraging enough to go out everyday and actively seek employment. Then to have an anchor lady who has her own makeup artist tell me that people everywhere are losing their jobs tops the cake for me!

Knowing that I'm not alone in my state of unemployment does not make me feel better-if anything, it makes me hurt more for others who are in more dire situations than myself. I don't need a famous face with job security telling me that jobs are being cut-like many people-I am well aware with first-hand experience that jobs are being eliminated everyday! However, it does amuse me how the news anchors solemnly whisper that the country fears a recession is coming! Wake up! Do I need to write the news for these people? It's here! And it's been here for over a year!

With that being said, I make it a point to rarely watch the news. Instead, I choose to keep my spirits up and believe that all of my efforts are going to pay off, and I'll do whatever it takes to encourage myself and maintain my 'tough' soul to form barriers to the negativity on the news that always seems to bring me down. Whether it means submerging myself in a good book or playing with my dog, I do whatever I can to get my mind off of the so-called 'gloomy' state of the world because it's not going to last forever. Generations before us have been through recessions and depressions and the world is still turning. It's not always easy to continuously uplift your spirits, but it's a decision only you can make for yourself...and you HAVE to pick yourself up because the news and world aren't going to do it for you!

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't or don't have to CARE about what's going on in the world, but don't let yourself get bogged down in the troubles of our time. We always need to lend a helping hand when we can and help others who suffer anyway we can-whether it be monetary or a simple shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen-we need each other. Without the the kindness of humans, we would have never lasted through the previous depression. I believe it is the resilience of those who truly love others that makes the world turn. And we will find that helping those around us, in turn helps ourselves.

There is so much good news that could be covered, but I guess the reporters don't consider acts of kindness as entertaining as wars and economic crises. We are as strong as our will, and I am certain that those with strong, tough souls will outlast & overcome this economic downfall because although it is tougher to be positive in this world filled with negativity...it is the TOUGH PEOPLE THAT LAST, NOT THE TOUGH TIMES!