a hot mess...

Ever heard of hot bikram yoga? If not, please allow me to explain...imagine being voluntarily shut in a room the temperature of hell plus 40% humidity for 90 minutes. Not only do you look like you just stepped out of a pool after the breathing exercises (which are the first 10 minutes of class), but you've got to somehow fandangle yourself into 26 different poses while trying not to pass out. And if you think i'm exaggerating at all, talk to someone else about it. It's insane. And i'm starting to question my sanity for continuing to go to class every week.

When my friend first told me about hot bikram yoga my immediate reaction was 'i don't even want to know about that...sounds miserable'. She then gives me a gift card for 2 free classes for my birthday, which obligates me to go, and lo and behold my instinct was right. My first class was terrifying to say the least, but i achieved my goal as a first timer, which is to stay in the room for 90 minutes and keep breathing. No big deal, right? Something's definitely wrong with an exercise class if that's the goal for first timers. That was on a wednesday night and it was monday before i could walk without pain--then we went again 2 days later for my 2nd class. I felt like i was going to die. Literally got carried out after 30 minutes by the instructor and another yogaer...good times. I returned the next wednesday to prove to myself that i could do it, and i've been to 4 classes so far, completing 3.

I have no idea how anyone could expect you to be able to twist your body like a pretzel while you're raining sweat, but they do...and there are quite a few people in the class who can achieve that. I, on the other hand, had never-repeat never-done yoga before in my life. So alot of the moves are just unnatural to me...how i'm going to master ever getting my entire foot or forearm behind my calf is beyond me, but i'm trying; granted, i'm a hot miserable mess while doing so, but i still try. I was talking to a new friend before class last week and she was saying how she's been sick so hasn't been able to go every day like usual. I almost invented a pose of my own called the 'you do what????' with my jaw muscles stretched all the way to the floor while my eyes were popping out their sockets.

Last week i went to class twice, mark it, twice. I must be a glutton for punishment or either desperate for a workout because i actually purchased 10 classes, of which i can only miss 2 weeks before they expire. As much as i hate it, and i do hate it, i love the sore post workout feeling...even if it does last several days. And the results are unbelievable. I can't believe it's taken only 3 weeks for me to get closer to my ideal weight and shape but i can tell a difference after only a few classes, which is the motivation that keeps me going back.

Tonight is the night for me to voluntarily return to the unfair match-up and get beaten up, and i don't want to go. I'm tired, feeling sick and weak, and it's cloudy, cold, and raining out. Yet, i'm going to go and do my best. I know it will be worth it tomorrow and i hope to make it to class twice again this week. If you're asking why i would voluntarily go into a fight knowing that i'm going to get my butt kicked...i ask myself the same thing on a daily basis. The answer is simple...i love to hate it. While i'm never going to argue that it sucks (because that would be a lie), i'm also hoping that i can keep it up and continue going because i like the results so far; they may be subtle or even not noticeable at all to everyone else, but they are all too clear to me-and my babe-he definitely notices, and that alone makes it worthwhile.